A Week Later

I bet you’re wondering why I haven’t posted anything since the concert. Or maybe you don’t exist and I’m just talking to myself, who knows. Either way, I am now and that’s the important thing! I am kind of torn about how to write this. On one side the concert was great and I had so much fun but on the other side it was terrifying. So, do I talk about the fun part or the terrifying part or both? Let’s do both.

We left here at about 5:30 and it took an hour or so to get down there. The first thing I noticed when we got there was the line. Holy shit was there ever a line. I was expecting a little line but not all 3000 people outside at once waiting to get in. Luckily we are Canadian and everyone was lined up all perfectly and being very cordial. So once we payed the parking fee we got in the line which was wrapped around the back of the theater. People must have gotten there hours before the doors opened. The doors opened at 6:30 and we got there at about that time. One thing that also kind of surprised me was the amount of kids there. I kind of knew it would be mostly teenage girls or high schoolers but there were actually a few kids that were probably even under 13. Mom wasn’t the oldest person there by a long shot. Lots of kids were there with their parents. We stood in line beside the tour buses for a few minutes before someone came along and told us to turn around and we would get in faster lol. So we turned around and started walking to the other side of the theater to get in. I was freaked out while waiting in line but surprisingly my knees were stable and I was doing okay.

Once we got to the door I lost all dexterity in my hands. My purse was searched and I was told to dump my water (which I was expecting). I squeezed out the lines of people to dump my water beside the door like many others before me had already done. Then I got to the ticket lady and suddenly my fingers stopped working. I was shaking and trying to unfold my paper ticket. Mom was already in the doors standing there waiting for me. I fumbled with the ticket for what felt like 5 minutes but was probably 30 seconds. Mom was about to help me when I finally got it. She scanned the ticket and I got in too. I was kind of in shock that the tickets actually worked. We got them from a third party site and with all the bad press they have had, I was pretty nervous that they might be duds. We were in!

The lobby was a fucking zoo. People everywhere. People were lining up to get into the doors because the actual theater itself wasn’t open yet, just the lobbies. We wiggled through the lines to get to the concession to get some water. I got two bottles and was told the lids would have to come off and stay off. I still don’t really understand that but oh well. I grabbed the bottles and we went up to the mezzanine level. The mezzanine level was much quieter. There was about 1/10th the amount of the people on that level than in the lobby on the main level. We went to the bathroom and I got a wet paper towel and dumped one of the bottles of water into my reusable bottle. After sitting in the lobby on the mezzanine level for half an hour or so the doors to the theater opened and we were allowed to take our seats. People slowly shuffled in and we were seated exactly where I thought we would be. The aisles were pretty small but I managed okay. For a while there was no one sitting beside me or mom so I thought we might get lucky. Shortly after we arrived a group of teenage guys sat behind us. They talked a lot about what would happen during the concert and I was kind of bummed that it was being ruined but luckily pretty much nothing they said actually happened.  Soon, mom had people sitting beside her and I had a lone guy sitting beside me. I was trying desperately to hold it together. I kept wiping my face with the paper towel and sipping water as the aisle filled and my escape route became more and more crowded. I kept looking back to make sure the exit door didn’t move and tried to keep my mind on who I was there to see.

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Before the show started. You can see the fear in my eyes lol

The opener started at 7:30 sharp, right on time. Man did he suck. If you ever get a chance to see Coleman Hell in concert, save your money. All his songs sounded the same (seriously I thought it was one long song) and he just kind of jumped around…he jumped off the stage and then couldn’t get back on, that was entertaining. Poor guy. After 30 minutes of that crap, the lights came up again and everyone started to disperse to the lobbies again and wander around. It seemed like everyone there knew everyone else. Like I said earlier, they probably all went to the same high school or something. They were always waving at friends sitting in different sections and yelling at each other from across the theater.  I got through the opener and now I just had to wait 30 minutes for them to set up for Twenty One Pilots and then hopefully I would be fear free and everything would be great.

Exactly 30 minutes later the lights dropped again, the lighted mic started descending from the ceiling and the crowd screamed louder than I have ever heard a crowd scream. Josh jumped on the drums and Tyler met the microphone on the podium and they started with heavydirtysoul. Suddenly I was out of my seat and screaming my head off to the music. I was overwhelmed, but I wasn’t terrified…not as much as I thought I would be anyways. Watching Tyler jump around the stage, fall to the ground dramatically when the base dropped and jump back up with the tambourine to hit it perfectly was amazing. Did I mention that I was in the same room as Josh Dun?! After I sang every fucking lyric to that song they moved on to Stressed Out. Mom rocked out to this one pretty hard too. The crowd was going crazy, the lights were amazing and there was an awesome set of TV screens behind the boys that totally added another level to the whole night. I sang my heart out and danced and screamed and basically did everything I wanted to do.

To be honest, the rest of the concert is kind of a blur. I remember little bits clearly, like the talk about Tim Horton’s and poutine, goner, car radio and some others. I remember the smoke cannons and the videos played on the screens behind the boys. The back flip was epic, Josh’s trumpet playing was awesome and Tyler killed the ukulele as expected.  Mom recorded pretty much the entire night and I’m glad she did because like I said, I don’t remember much. I don’t know if it’s blocked out because of anxiety or because I was in such euphoria that I was in another dimension altogether. I recorded video as well but when I got home and watched it, I discovered that it recorded me singing and I sing horribly so those videos are just for me! It was an hour and a half of pure, raw emotion and awesomeness. They finished with trees and the finale was epic. Josh and Tyler jumped up on the crowd for the second time and the drums were murdered while confetti cannons exploded and water splashed from the drums. I wanted to get confetti but forgot to before we left. The people that got to hold them up for that probably had a pretty epic experience. Hopefully next time I might be able to go into the pit and who knows, maybe I will get to hold Josh’s hand while he climbs on top of the crowd, a girl can dream. It was amazing, truly amazing.  I left years of anxiety in that room. Screamed out years of frustration and anger. I left feeling pretty raw emotionally and kind of in disbelief. I had just witnessed a Twenty One Pilots concert in person. Something just a few months ago I was convinced I would never be able to do because I have anxiety.

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After, pure sweaty heaven

The whole way out the door, to the car and on the way home I just remember swearing. I was so relaxed and just in shock that I was able to do that. I stuck it out and it was worth every second. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I had the time of my life (at least what I can remember of it). It was a lot to take in when you’re used to sitting on your couch every night watching TV. To go from that to a room full of 3000 screaming people with lights, smoke cannons, loud music and just general hecticness is pretty intense but I did it and I am so glad I did. I went to bed thinking of what else I could be capable of that I have no idea about because I simply don’t try. “I have anxiety” I tell myself, “you can’t do that because you have anxiety, so don’t even try”. I have to get out of that mindset if I ever want to live the life I want and deserve. One full of fun nights and experiences that I will remember for a lifetime.

Now on to why I haven’t written anything in a week. I woke up on Tuesday feeling okay. I was tired, but that was to be expected.  Me and mom went and got breakfast and I layed around all day recovering. I took a nap and watched all the videos that mom took (there were a lot). I went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling like I got hit by a fucking airplane. I have been so sick this past week, I don’t remember the last time I was this sick. I didn’t want to move, my skin hurt, everything hurt. I was a fucking wreck. But, I am starting to feel better, I went to the doctor today finally and got some meds. Hopefully once I get fully better I will be able to be more and more excited about what I have done and what it means for me now. I can’t thank my mom enough for coming with me. She made it so easy for me and I know she had a blast too. I am ready for them to come back so I can rock out even more, maybe next time I will remember the whole show and won’t be so freaked out. Only time will tell I guess!

Here are some pics from the night:

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2 thoughts on “A Week Later

  1. Wow!! I’ve been waiting for this post! I’m so glad you had an awesome time!
    Veteran of rock/metal/punk concerts here so thought I’d lend a few words: people will queue literally FOREVER to get to the front of a concert, like people will have been there since sun up! Back in the old days you just showed up at the right time then pushed your way to the stage – apparently that’s frowned upon now…
    Also, not everyone will know each other, in fact the majority of the room will be strangers. Some will have gone together and some might recognise each other for other concerts but mostly people just talk and get along because it’s concert camaraderie 🙂 plus you all obviously like the same music so these people are easy to get on with (as a rule!)
    And don’t forget, you will not have been the only person there with anxiety, and from the sound of it I doubt anyone even noticed you have 🙂

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    • Ya I was surprised because the pit was actually very small..you had to have a wristband to get into the pit and it was only maybe three rows of people. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only girl there with anxiety cause another girl a few rows behind me had her head between her legs a lot lol. Thanks for the comment!

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