Dating

The dating world is a nightmare right now. Everything is done online, which is fine, it’s just that sometimes you don’t get what you bargained for. I have been on an uncountable number of first dates over the last couple of years and each one has been its own kind of nightmare. I’m on POF and OKC and the men on those sites seem to have one thing in common, adventurous. They all climb the chief on weekends, skydive, travel the world, drink beer on the beach and workout 6 days a week. It’s funny how online you see a lot of posts about people just wanting to stay in, but that isn’t the case in real life is it? It seems like everyone is living life to the fullest.

I went on yet another first date tonight. I had high hopes for this one, he is what I want physically, he’s funny, he has a job and seemed sweet. He was most of those things in real life. I don’t think there will be a second date. I am so sick of going on first dates!

You know that famous line by George Costanza – “when I like them, they don’t like me, and when they like me, I don’t like them”. That is real life. I have this idea in my head of who I want and I am starting to think maybe he doesn’t exist? Maybe I have changed too much to be able to ask for what I am asking for. I might be aiming out of my league.

I have been single for probably about nine years. The dating world is hard enough, let alone when you have anxiety that severely limits your life. Going on dates is pretty hard when all of the typical things that daters do are out of the question. It seems like as soon as I mention anxiety, a lot of the men just vanish. It’s called ghosting and it happens A LOT. The conversation is going along fine, then one mention of something that may be considered less desirable and POOF, they’re gone faster than they arrived.

After this many failed attempts, I am starting to want to give up. I have deleted my profiles before but always reactivate them shortly after because of the “what if” syndrome I have. People don’t really meet any other way these days. Not in the Vancouver area anyways. It seems like if you go up to a person in public they will either think you’re asking for money or you’re crazy and they need to run as fast as they can. It’s hard to get past the first look on dating sites and I will admit I am the same way toward the men.

Maybe I need to lower my standards, maybe I need to be more realistic, maybe I need to be more open to experiences and different types of people. I am so guarded because of my last relationship that I tend to push people away when they do want near. I am tired of being alone but also scared to be with someone. At some point I have to jump off this metaphorical cliff and let someone in again. The thought is terrifying but also exhilirating. I guess for now I will just continue my search for the next first date.

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