Redemption Song

A few years back, like maybe 5 or 6, I attempted to go to a Blink 182 concert. I bought tickets and asked my cousin to come with me. I was pretty excited but I had no idea what I was getting in to. My mom drove us to the arena the concert was being held at and about 10 minutes from the venue, I started losing it. Panic set in and I didn’t want to do it anymore. Before that attempt, I hadn’t been to a concert since 2000, and that was outdoors. This arena is huge and when I saw the lineup to get, in I couldn’t do it. I told my mom and my cousin I wasn’t going to go and luckily she had a friend she could call to meet her and they went together instead. I cried the entire way home. I remember that feeling very clearly, it wasn’t pleasant. I felt like a total failure. I pretty much grew up on Blink 182. I loved that band growing up and getting the chance to see them live was exciting. Unfortunately, anxiety won again. So after crying the entire way home and my mom doing her best to try to make me feel better, I think I just layed (lied?…I don’t fucking know) in bed and felt sorry for myself. The next couple of weeks sucked as I kept reliving the fact that anxiety ruined yet another thing that I wanted so badly. After a while, the burn of disappointment wore off and I moved on with my life.

Now, many years later, I get another chance. Mom won some tickets in a contest to a concert of her choice that Live Nation puts on. We looked at the options and the only one remotely interesting was Blink 182. They are playing a much smaller venue this time (I mean, it still has 6500 seats but that’s better than 50,000). She was gracious enough to use the tickets to get Blink tickets and agreed to take me. Another concert I will be attending with my mother, but if it gets me there, who cares? This one is about the same distance away as the Twenty One Pilots concert was, just in the other direction. I have done my research on this venue just like I did with the QE Theater for Twenty One Pilots. Google is a little less informative on the inner layout of the building but there are enough pictures of what a concert looks like in that building that I think I can manage. It’s pretty much just a hockey arena on a smaller scale.

I don’t really have my heart set on this as much as I did the last Blink concert. I think it’s because I already kind of lived the dream with the Twenty One Pilots concert. I also wish Tom was still in the band. It probably won’t be the same without him. I know nothing about the new guy. I kind of know what I’m in for now noise and atmosphere wise. I feel a little more prepared and if things don’t work out again this time, that’s okay too. I am trying to stop myself from putting too much pressure on myself. Failure means that I at least tried. Of course I hope I can do it and stay through the whole thing. I would hate to rent a car and drive all the way out there and ditch at the last minute. I have a few months to prepare for it anyways. It’s time for round two with anxiety…ring the bell bitches.

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