Scared to Blink

On Friday, me and mom drove two hours to Abbotsford to pick up the Blink 182 tickets that they said could be picked up that day. When we got there, the box office was closed due to maintenance…Two hours wasted in the car, but at least gas was cheap out there! We took the highway home which shaved a lot of time off the drive but we had to take the toll bridge and we were ticketless. I wrote them on Facebook when we got home and asked them why they told me I could pick them up that day if they were closed for maintenance, which I assume was scheduled. They apologised and told me they could e-mail me the tickets on Monday. So Monday I got a hold of them and they e-mailed them to me with no issues. At least we were saved from taking another trip out to the boonies.

The tickets are pretty good. We are near the stage but on the opposite side of the building to the entrance doors. We are about 8 seats from the aisle on the one side which is stressful. With Twenty One Pilots I think I was 5 seats from the aisle and that was hard enough. I kept looking at the door to make sure it was still there. I have been stressing about this concert since we ordered the tickets. My last Blink experience was not very pleasant. I got there and was too scared to go through with it. I cried the entire way home. That concert was at a huge venue, about 60,000 people I think. This time it is at a smaller venue but it is still going to be 6500 people. Twenty One Pilots had 3000 but it was a smaller building.

My dilemma now is, do I keep the tickets, go there and risk freaking out and not going through with it, dealing with the heartbreak of failing again, wasting time driving out there, being let down by my own brain, wasting mom’s time because of course she has to come with me, or do I take the safe route and sell them. If I sell them, at least I got money for them right? The money would go to mom because she is the one that won the prize that we used to get the tickets. At least that way we get something from it. If I keep them and go and end up freaking out and leaving, we are left with nothing and I am just going to be miserable and left with that familiar feeling of failure but if I keep them and actually pull it off, it will be amazing. I will have conquered something that beat me down so many years ago. I will prove to myself that I am capable. Is it a risk worth taking?

I decided after some time thinking that I have to at least give myself the chance to succeed. I won’t know if I can do it unless I go and try to do it. If I fail, at least I have felt that feeling before and know what to expect. If I make it, it might be one of the biggest triumphs I have had so far in this lifelong battle against anxiety. I just have to try to remember that my mind is lying to me and try my best to not let it make my decisions for me. Like I said, I have to at least give myself the opportunity to succeed at this. Even if it is terrifying, I have to try. I might just amaze myself.

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