It’s a Jailbreak

So I went to the AWOLNATION concert Friday night. I was pretty nervous about it for most of the day. I was trying to let the excitement override the nervousness but that didn’t work so well. I find that for the most part I suffer from anticipatory anxiety more than during the actual event. Of course that depends on what the event is. My fear in this case was based on the fact that it was in downtown Vancouver in an area I am not at all familiar with, in a club that I have never been to before, on a Friday night on a street that is pedestrian only during the weekend. Add to that the fact that someone was beat to death on that same street two nights before and I was pretty freaked. Mom drove me downtown and parked as close the venue as we could find. Downtown is not the most parking friendly, let alone on a friday night. We found a spot about two blocks from the venue, and only around two corners so it wasn’t too bad.

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The Commodore Ballroom is a gorgeous venue (aside from the sticky carpet)

Unlike the Twenty One Pilots concert, there was no line up to get in. That’s probably because we got there about an hour after the doors initially opened. I didn’t want to be there too early and get overwhelmed and have to leave before the show even started. The venue was a lot smaller than I had anticipated. I had done my research beforehand and from the pictures I saw and the square footage I found, I was expecting it to be quite a lot bigger. I’m glad it was smaller though, makes for a better show in my opinion. It wasn’t that packed either. The show was apparently a sell out but I’m not sure all 990 people showed up. Maybe it’s just roomy somehow. We got there in the middle of The Darcy’s set. With my trusty bottle of water in hand and a cup full of ice from the bartender, I was trembling as The Darcy’s finished their set.

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The Darcy’s

About 15 to 20 minute after The Darcy’s finished, AWOL finally took the stage. At this point the crowd started to get a little tighter as people moved closer to the stage. The good thing about being so tall is that you can stand behind a lot of people and still be able to see. I didn’t want to be in the pit or at the front of it. We kind of lurked in the back but I still had some people behind me. For some reason part of the floor was carpeted right by the bar, man that thing was sticky…so gross. Who puts carpet in a club like that? Especially right by the bar!

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He played all the hits of course. He mostly played songs from his new album but played some from the old one as well. I will say that the sound was pretty shitty. I don’t know if they had it too loud or what but you couldn’t really understand a word he said, good thing I knew the songs anyways. There was also quite a bit of feedback, feedback in a room that small with the volume that loud is horrific.

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I was surprisingly calm through the event. I stopped shaking after The Darcy’s finished their set. I was still weak in the knees and nervous and I still glanced over my shoulder to make sure the exit door didn’t move. I still had my water and my ice and my essential oil for aromatherapy. I don’t mind having to use those coping mechanisms because they allow me to do these things. We don’t hate on people that need glasses to read (at least most of the time). I’m just impressed that I was as calm as I was and rocked as hard as I did.

I will say that wearing brand new shoes was probably a bad idea. By the end of the night my feet were numb, my legs were exhausted from standing and dancing so much. I was pretty much deaf cause it was so loud in such a small room. But man it was fun. Before I did this I was wondering why I put myself through this stuff. Why do I stress myself out so much when staying at home is so much more relaxing. So much “safer”. Well after last night I remembered why I do it. It’s an incredible feeling going to a concert, singing, screaming and dancing with hundreds of other people. Just feeling the music and letting it take over all the fear you have built up. Music has become a sort of therapy for me and I can’t wait for my next session.

Next up: Rob Thomas.

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Going AWOL

I have the AWOLNATION concert coming up this friday. It’s downtown. Me and mom took a drive down there to scout out the area. That always makes me feel a little better. Of course I was freaked out to find that you cannot drive on the road that it is on. It’s “pedestrian friendly” so only buses and taxis can go on it. That freaks me out because then I need to be able to actually function and walk to and from wherever the car is parked. I have this fear that I will just crumble into a ball of anxiety and not be able to move. I have terrifying visions of being huddled up on the corner of a downtown street with people walking by me and I am just stuck there with no way to get home. That’s always the underlying fear, not being able to get home.

I asked my cousin if she wants to come with me this time. I had the feeling that mom didn’t really want to go and I didn’t really want to go alone. It’s a venue I have never been to before and it’s in an area I’m not familiar with. My cousin is much cooler than me and is well versed in the downtown area and has been to the venue before so she knows the ropes better than I do. I am trying to take solice in the fact that she knows her way around there, she knows where the skytrains are and she knows the blocks and what they lead to. Again, I am just hoping I don’t crumple into a ball and she has to drag me or go find my mom to come and carry me. That being said, I tend to be a runner, not a collapser. So when I do get super freaked out, I just bolt from wherever I am, not necessarily collapse.

I thought of chickening out. I really did. But then I listened to some AWOL songs and remembered how awesome they are and that I would of course be super bummed to miss this one because of anxiety. I am trying to stop the fear from taking over my life again. I fought hard to get some sort of a life going again and I am not about to let it gain any ground on me again. As long as I can get to and from the car I should be okay. It will be dark in the venue and hopefully will be getting dark outside. It’s on a friday downtown which is going to be a nightmare in itself. I will manage. I always do.