Two days until what I hope is the best night of my life. I know I am putting a lot of pressure on myself for this night but I think it’s helping me build confidence. Of course there’s always that voice in the back of my head telling me not to build it up too much and not to expect too much from myself because if I fail it will make it even harder. But that won’t happen. I am actually pretty calm about it right now, but that might be the ativan I took earlier as a test to see how it would affect me.
Speaking of that ativan test, I’m glad I did it. I took half of an ativan to see how it would make me feel and if it would be enough to calm me or if I would need to take a full one. I also wanted to test if it would make me feel like crap. The last time I took ativan it made me feel like shit for two days afterwards. Anyway, I took half of one today and it made me feel like I was hit by a truck so I don’t think I will be doing that. I think I’ll just take a gravol or two, they make me drowsy enough that I think it will help.
I have been stressing over what to wear too. I want to be comfortable and I don’t want to be too hot because I sweat like a madman. I decided on shorts and a tank top and I’m going to try not to worry too much about what I or the people around me are wearing. The goal is to ignore everyone in that room except for mom, Tyler and of course Josh. I have been watching some videos of the concerts (short ones because I don’t want to ruin it for myself) and it looks like there are a lot of flashing lights and just general hyped upness. I’m pretty sure I can handle it but I really hope I don’t get overwhelmed. I guess if I do, I can just go to the lobby to catch my breath. I am planning to just sit and get used to the ambiance while the opener plays so I can get into the show that actually counts.
I can’t believe that this is going to happen. Everything in the universe has kind of aligned for me to make this as smooth as it can be. I could not ask for things to line up any more perfectly. I can’t wait to scream my heart out and feel the connection to the music.